All / Originally Posted on Skirt

How Not to Behave on the Tube (In Which I Do Not Get Slapped)

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Late last night I was trying to make it home on the last tube with a friend. (The London underground does not run all night, my dear American readers. They close it for maintenance between midnight-ish and five in the morning.) We didn’t know exactly when the last tube was and we’d been having a very festive time in the pub, which wasn’t helping us to slow down and think. We just ran. Ran into the tube station, through the barrier, and down the escalator.

There is a very simple but strict traffic flow system on the London Underground escalators: STAND on the right. WALK on the left. This is both easy to follow and well-marked throughout all stations. And yet, there was a guy standing in the dead center of the escalator, mouthing the words to the music he was listening to on his headphones. “Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!” my friend and I exclaimed as we bumbled along, probably slightly louder and more boisterously than necessary. We brushed passed him and stormed onto the platform.

A few moments later, he also arrived at the platform and said something to the effect of, “You stupid girls, the tube isn’t even here yet, I can’t believe you raced passed me in such a rude manner, that was completely unnecessary because the tube isn’t here yet, you stupid girls.”

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